The Silent Movie

In my last blog, “Desperately Seeking Someone”, I wrote about the lengths we sometimes go in order to meet the perfect someone.  I offered a few suggestions as to why you may not be finding the ‘one’.  Maybe you really aren’t exactly where you need to be before rushing into the next relationship.  So, take the time to indulge yourself, because if you can’t stand to be with yourself what makes you think anyone else is going to want to be with you either?  We often think we need someone to complete us, when in fact we should seek someone to ‘join’ us.  Someone who inspires us as we strive to inspire them.

Years ago I was in a relationship with a man for 5 years.  It was one of those relationships that put you through the ‘ringer’.  Although he was a man of few words, he never failed to point out my negatives.  He would even circle misspelled words in the little notes I left him, and then hang them on the refrigerator door for me to see.  I felt like a three year old, not to mention embarrassed.

I will never forget once during an argument he said, “Wendy, you just don’t INSPIRE me.”  Inspire him, why did I need to inspire him?  This comment haunted me for years.  

In retrospect he was right.  I was at a point in my life when I had no inspiration, I didn’t know what I wanted or how to change it.  All I wanted was not be alone.  However challenging that relationship was, it taught me so much about myself; and what a different woman I am today because of it.

Living a life filled with inspiration will never compare to a life without it.  How we live our lives… from the style of our home, the clothes we wear and even the way we treat other people, all stem from what inspires us.  It is in what we observe that stimulates our feelings, which in turn leads to inspiration.  

When inspired we can create, and when creating we are truly living our lives and feeling fulfilled and harmonious. More often than not, when distracted from this process, we feel the need for someone else to fill our void.  This is when we feel alone, or can be attracted to the wrong type of relationship.  Even an existing relationship can go through times that lack passion.  The strength of that relationship will usually determine its outcome.  Nevertheless, it is so important to have something in your life that keeps you alive so you don’t slip into ‘neediness’ and other negative emotions.

This is where “The Silent Movie” comes into play.  I will never forget the story of a girlfriend of mine who was in a terribly painful relationship.  She was very in love but at the same time was in an awful place in her life.  She lacked money, inspiration and self-worth.  

She called me late one evening to tell me she was sitting at a bus stop heading downtown to see her boyfriend.  She barely had enough money for the fare.  He didn’t have time to pick her up (she didn’t drive then) and was too busy.  I asked her, “But why are you going to see him now, you’re crazy, its 11pm at night and you’re a woman sitting at a bus stop and miserable?”  She said, “But he told me how much he loves me.  It’s just that he doesn’t have time to come and get me because he’s busy with his friend and that I should just catch the bus and come to him.” 

That’s when I said, “STOP - take away the words and let’s look at the scenario: You’re a beautiful, young woman sitting at a bus stop, no money in your pocket except for bus fare, it’s late at night and you’re crying.  What do you see?  Do you see or even feel LOVE?  I see a desperate and pathetic young woman who is lost.”

And that was exactly who and where she was in her life.  It wasn’t until she realized by seeing herself, not just listening to the words, that her perspective began to change.  It wasn’t the ‘style’ she intended for herself, yet it was the rest of the world to her at that moment.

We can all play out our ‘silent movie’ at any given time in life.  Watching and observing any situation is the road that can inspire us to change, or forgo the life we’re not intending for ourselves.  Our actions do not lie; while our words can be misleading - or in an opposite sense, very revealing. 

It is easy enough to say “I love you”… but wouldn’t you rather feel “I love you”?  In my view, this expression is used more casually now than ever before.  It’s because we are all so desperate to hear it, and are disappointed when there is no action to follow?  It’s like a temporary fix.  

I believe this is why by using the “silent movie” in your life you can honestly see where you are at any given time.  When you watch an opera in a foreign language you may have no idea what they are saying/singing, but you feel every emotion they are performing.  Children and animals are great examples of ‘love’ with no words as well.  Animals don’t talk but when they trust you and realize you are the one who will take care of them they perform acts of kindness and love every moment.  

Children are the same.  Before they can say “I love you mommy”, they run into your arms with more love than any word can express.  Sometimes, it is just a look in their eyes that tells you so much.

As a woman and now a mother, it is more important than ever for me to set an example of being true to my word.  Life without integrity is one which will eventually wear you down.  What examples are we to our children if we’re not living a life with honor?  Will we make mistakes, of course, and that’s OK.  It is through those mistakes that we’ll also grow.

We teach our children not to lie… to tell the truth… to share with your friends and don’t throw sand.  Shouldn’t we do the same?

Xo

Wendy