Desperately Seeking Someone

"It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone.  It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong.  And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him.  I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person.  I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman; I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love.  The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness.  I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice."

                                                                                                                             - Coco Chanel

To what lengths will we go to meet the perfect partner; the love of our life… Prince Charming?  It seems like more than ever there is a great desperation among many modern women to find a man. Why is it more difficult now than before?  Are we ever really satisfied?  If we’re not… why not?  What are we doing wrong? 

Every time I turn around there is someone complaining about their ‘relationship’, or lack thereof.  I have women friends between 30-65 years of age looking for a relationship, and no matter what they can’t seem to find one.  Many have been married & divorced; some have children and some never have and don’t want any.  Their economic situations are similar - they all support themselves, but want a partner who can support them as well.  They are beautiful women, well-schooled and talented in multiple ways, but they all cannot find a partner.

Some of these women have tried using psychics who told them they were going to get married and live happily ever after.  One was even told she had a curse, and “the curse had to be removed before she would find a man”.  Of course, the psychic offered to remove the curse with just ‘a few more sessions at so much per session’!

Others have attended seminars on ‘How to Marry a Man’.  One lady even wrote a book on how to get married and has developed quite a following.  The book is entitled, How To Get To ‘I Do’.

(I always wondered what a guy would think if he found that book as bedside reading material at the outset of a new relationship!)  

Recently, I met some women who were sick and tired of not finding the ‘right one’.  So they took affirmative action and are trying Online Dating!  It appears this approach can take on a life of its own.  It becomes a full time job. 

Along with their photo, they post personal profiles of themselves’ and then sit back and wait to see who winks at them via email.  After the “winking” process comes a response, which sometimes leads to a real date or, for some, maybe just coffee.  Ostensibly the process goes on until your match matches another.  For many this method has worked, but for others it has led to complete disappointment.  They are left feeling more frustrated than before they started.

So what is the answer: Well, I don’t know.  I do believe, however, in fate.  I believe there are times in our lives when we will have a partner and times when we are destined to be alone.  The times in which we have a partnership are not always easy; and neither is the thought of one more day by yourself. 

If you are alone right now, ask yourself ‘why’.  There is most likely a reason and it may be that you are just not willing to give up what it takes to have a close relationship with another person.  Sometimes we need to appreciate where we are and what we have in order to move on to the next stage of our lives.

 

I also find it interesting that people who are alone always identify themselves as being alone, when in fact their lives are quite full.  Human affection, love and support do not only come from a boyfriend or husband.  And too often there are times when our expectations of ‘the one’ are so high they are impossible to fulfill. 

If we could all only embrace our lives where they are at the moment… before you know it, your life could change.  Who really knows when destiny steps in?  I often find it happens when least expected.

If you are seeking passion in your life then live your life passionately.  If security is what you desire, then make sure you already feel secure.  If pure friendship is what is important to you, then be a good friend.  Take an inventory of how you live your life and the people already in your life.  I read once that our life is a hall of mirrors; it will reflect back everything we need to know.  Value the time when you are not in a relationship - for then “value” may just walk into your life.

I believe in love; I believe in everlasting love.  I also know it takes a lot of patience, a strong will and a woman who is willing to endure it all.

Xo

Wendy

Beauty from Within

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.  True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.  It’s the caring she lovingly gives, the passion she shows… and the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years."  - Audrey Hepburn

I began my blog ‘Fashion Therapy’ to encourage others to discover their fashion sense from within.  I believe the more we develop ourselves internally, the more beautiful a person we become externally.  This concept of inner beauty struck me at an early age.  I would see women who weren’t particularly physically attractive, but who had a fabulous boyfriend or husband and were very happy.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’d say, but I always knew it was deeper than that.

Obviously, when meeting someone for the first time we are quick to judge them by their outer appearance.  So what was it that made these certain women different from the ones who were far more physically attractive?

For as long as I can remember I loved fashion magazines (and still do). Like many teenage girls, I would cut out my favorite pages and paste collages on my bathroom mirror and bedroom walls.  Every day I would dream of becoming one of those girls.  I wasn’t the most beautiful girl growing up but I wasn’t unattractive either. I managed to do some modeling in Japan for a time, and that was a big deal.  I thought my dreams had REALLY come true.  

The most difficult challenge for me early-on was having an extraordinarily beautiful mother.  It was such a blessing in my life, though I didn’t realize to what extent until recent years.  

Like many things in our lives we don’t appreciate them until we grow older and mature.  As my mother received so much attention from her beauty, it encouraged me to be different and find where my real beauty lay.  I was always very proud of her, but I also recognized there were probably years I was jealous of her looks and all the adoration she attracted.  “Who was I if not as pretty as my mother” was something I struggled with for a great deal of my life.  “Who was I if not as pretty as all those girls in the fashion magazines?” was another.  I think many young women toil with this question at some point in their lives, especially being raised in a society that puts so much attention on our outer appearance. 

It took me years to realize there was something much deeper that make us beautiful and make us happy.  Knowing who you are and what you want is not as easy as it sounds.  We have so many choices available right at our finger tips.  Who is unique if everyone looks the same?  

Your ‘inner beauty’ is what makes you an individual.  This is what no one can “copy” - because no one has experienced your personal journey.  Knowing this journey and outwardly exhibiting it is what makes us beautiful, stylish and confident.

          “People respond well to those who are sure of what they want.”

                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                 – Anna Wintour

                   

As I raise my daughter I want so much for her to be smart, confident and secure.  I encourage her every day to look people in the eye when she is talking to them and telling them her name.  To be proud of who she is and considerate of the other individual she is interacting with. 

To develop self-respect from an early age is so important and contributes so much to our later years.  Our children have their own life’s journey; all we can do is guide them the best way we know how.  We will all make mistakes and hopefully our children will forgive us - and forgiveness is my favorite ingredient for beauty.

This one is for you Mom - I love you; for all your flaws are my greatest gifts - and all your strengths are the ones I aspire too.

xo

Wendy

A Turn in the Day

"The most important thing to remember is that you can wear all the greatest clothes and all the greatest shoes, but you’ve got to have a good spirit on the inside.  That’s what’s really going to make you look like you’re ready to rock the world."  - Alicia Keys

I woke up the other morning like any ordinary morning and, as always, lay in bed for a few minutes just contemplating the day and praying for my life condition to be strong & positive.  I had my coffee in bed, opened my laptop and began to write.  I always write in the morning before my daughter wakes up.  It is my personal time; the only time I am really alone throughout the day.

As you know, once we have our children, from the time they wake up till they go to bed, it’s all about them… no matter how many times you may say, “Mommy needs just a few minutes, I’ll be right there?”  I have come to realize that it will always be this way.  So instead of regretting having no time to myself, I ‘create’ personal time and feel so much happier.  Creating personal time is essential.  For some it’s a natural instinct to set aside certain periods of the day and do what makes them happy; for others like myself, it was something I had to work at creating.  But by doing so deliberately, it allowed me time to read, write my blog or even take notes in my journal.  Something that is just for you!  It really makes a difference.

Once Vienna woke up that morning we had some breakfast, applied our sun block and got dressed for camp.  I dropped her off at the beach and took my morning run.  While on the beach I realized how fortunate my life was that I could be on the ocean every single day.  I can look at the mountains and the Pacific all in the same instant.  This is truly a gift and I appreciate my environment greatly.

When I got back home to change for work, I felt amazing.  I had a great workout and all my thoughts were organized toward what I was going to accomplish throughout the day.  I washed up, threw on a vintage caftan with a Spanish motif and grey leather boots from Old Navy.  (My latest purchase … $40, I couldn’t believe it!)

I was in such a good mood; I felt confident and stylish.  As I left the house, Mr. Wolf said, “You’re not going to wear that today are you?”  “Well of course I am” I said.  “You’re going to wear a Mexican shirt and leather boots and its summer, and you call yourself a Fashion Therapist?”  This was all in good humor I assure you and off I went.

That day in the store I got so many compliments on my outfit.  I actually had a woman follow me into the store because she wanted to find out what I was wearing.  Another woman saw me from across the street and said to herself, “Now that woman has style”, and came into the store to tell me.  I sold a lot that morning and was so grateful for all the compliments.  They were very unexpected; but I find that’s when those type of comments feel the best.  I also realized, as I mentioned last week, I was giving off such a positive energy that others felt it.  It was a true test to feeling beautiful from the inside out.  I had no special make-up on, or anything expensive - just a priceless spirit!

Halfway through the day I got a phone call at the store.  It was one of my closest girlfriends.  She is a twin and her sister was pregnant.  She was crying hysterically, explaining that her sister had been rushed off to the hospital and it looked like the baby was going to be delivered prematurely.  

Obviously she was terribly frightened and emotional.  I did my best to calm her down and assured her I would get there as soon as I could.  This meant I had to close the store as soon as possible and pick up my daughter from camp.  In a matter of seconds my day had been totally redirected.  My focus went from the business of the store to an intense high-alert with someone very close to me. 

Within an hour I was able to get under way.  The twin girls are very dear friends whom I’ve known for 10+ years. They are fashion designers from Australia and I feel a special closeness to them, especially with their family so far away.

It was a very tense time that afternoon; we had no idea the condition of the baby and a C-section had to be performed.

I was grateful my life condition was strong and positive that day.  It helped me help others get through a trying time.  When the news came the baby was fine we all felt a huge sense of relief and finally could relax.

My daughter was so excited she was going to see a brand new baby only a few hours old.  She had no idea what we all had just been through - nor should she have.  

There is an age of innocence that should be protected for young children.  And as parents, I feel it is our responsibility to keep them in that precious world for as long as possible.  We have the power to do that when we are taking care of ourselves from the inside.  The healthier I am spiritually and emotionally the happier my daughter’s life will be.  She never sensed the fear I had experienced for a good part of that day.  She stayed positive and excited; and as I watched her I learned to do the same.  

That evening we were finally able to see that brand new life, just hours old.  With her first child, my girlfriend’s life had changed forever, as all our lives do once we have children.  It brings forth all your internal strengths, ones you may not even know you have.  It makes your heart sing louder than you ever thought it could and it tests your spirit continually.

My day ended at about 10pm that night holding a new life.  We never know what to expect when we wake up… and the only thing to do is be prepared for the unexpected.

Welcome baby Felix … and ‘get ready to rock the world!’

Wendy 

Flirting with Destiny

“I don’t understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little… if only out of politeness.  And then, you never know, maybe that’s the day she has a date with destiny.  And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”

                                                                            - Coco Chanel

How do feel every day when you leave the house in the morning?

How often do you think about your place in the world?  Are you joyful, grateful and excited to embrace the day?  Could today be the day that will possibly change your life forever?  Many of us who are unmarried and perhaps looking for “the one” probably think of our destiny more than others.  And then for others, the daily routine of life may get in the way of how we feel about ourselves and the energy we are portraying.

My daughter attends the French school in the Palisades.  All the moms look so elegant in the morning while dropping off their children.  I thought to myself, how do they all look so good every morning - so early in the day?

As I looked closer, I became aware that it wasn’t about what they were wearing - but how they were wearing it.  It was all in their attitude.  No matter what was going on internally, they displayed an ‘elegant style’ even if they just had on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. 

This always fascinated me even back in the days when I lived in France. French women have a certain way about them, no matter what they believe, they are beautiful.  I admire this quality very much.  As for me, I never felt that way.  I lived under the impression it was arrogant to think you were pretty.  I now believe it instills confidence in a woman when taught correctly.  People are attracted to other confidant people.

This reminds me of a story I remember after meeting one of the mothers from my daughter’s school at the park one day.  She began to tell me how the past year had been very difficult for her and that she was going through a terrible divorce.  As she shared a few details, I was able to read between the lines some without prying too much.  The one thing that touched me the most about her story was her disappointment with ‘destiny’.  She told me that before she got married she had a great zest for life.  She was happy, had many friends and, like most her age, dreamt about whom she was going to marry someday.  “I used to read my horoscope in all the magazines and wondered where my life was heading”, she said.

Then it happened, she met a man, got married and had two children.  She never read a horoscope again or gave a thought about her future.  She said there was no point in it because what could happen any different; she had found her destiny.  Now, years later, she laughed while telling me, “I cannot believe I’m in my early 40’s with two children and reading my horoscopes again.  I would have never imagined this.”  

I will say though that after her very trying times, she had such a new found vitality for life.  She had learned so much about the way she saw her future.  The experience made her humble and made her stronger.  “I will never take for granted any moment of my life again” she said, “because you never know.  I wake up in the morning, get my kids ready for school and get myself ready for the day, because I may meet my destiny again.”

Our lives begin so innocently… with an attitude toward life that is totally fresh and alive.  As parents, we try to preserve that sense in our children for as long as we can.  As our own lives evolve challenges constantly arise; it is not so much the challenge of life that makes us jaded, it is the attitude we have to overcome.

If we choose to hold on for years, to be victimized by our circumstance, then our lives will remain in the state indefinitely.  

When this attitude takes place, it can affect not only you but many others around you.  The spirit in our eyes dies; we stop caring about how we look and we present the wrong impression.

                       

Our inside reflects our outside - so it is vitally important to maintain your spirit.  Your soul is capable of having many destinies.  Grow, learn and move on from each period in your life, just as your child does from grade to grade. 

As an example, would you hold your child back in school because their feelings had been hurt by another child?  No, of course not.  You would love them and encourage them and explain that sometimes things like this can happen in life.  But you would not hold them back from all their greatness.  The same goes for us: Love yourself, surround yourself with others who will encourage you and help educate yourself spiritually.

Beauty resides in all of our experiences in life.  Don’t let the freshness in your eyes disappear.  We fall in love with a person’s “well kept” soul from the inside and out.  Flirt everyday with your life.  If feels good to get a genuine compliment from another human being.  And likewise, experience how good it feels to give a compliment. 

How do you want people to remember you?  Who do you want to attract?

I remember from my conversation in the park that day a beautiful strong woman totally inspired me.  You can experience the same.

Have a great week…..

Avoir,

Wendy