You Can't Always Get What You Want but...

Do you ever ask yourself why some things we want in life come so easily while others seem to be a constant struggle? Why your strengths can be your best friend’s weakness - and your weaknesses his or her strengths? How hard do we have to strive for that “dream to come true”… and for how long?

When is enough, enough? Are we not trying hard enough, or are we completely missing it all together? Maybe what we think we want we really don’t? This might apply to your dream relationship, dream job or everyday goals that just don’t seem to ever work out.

Then of course there are those people who seem to ‘have it all’. The ones who set their minds to something and seem to achieve it in an inordinately short period of time. The ones who make us judge ourselves and ask the question, “Why are they better than me?” 

What I recently discovered was that some of the people who seem to “have it all” actually don’t. In fact, sometimes they can be the ones who struggle the most. Having too much of everything does not, by itself, necessarily constitute a life of fulfillment. 

In a world with so much pressure to succeed, we often lose sight of what is truly important to us. Each of our likes and needs are different. While it may seem perfectly normal to want that certain guy because he is successful, well-off, has an engaging personality and appears to be a great guy to start a family with, he may not be the right one for you. Often, those can be characteristics that cause us to overlook the fact that he might not be attentive, is self-absorbed and frequently emotionally unavailable.

As I mentioned in my last blog, inspiration is an important ingredient for the right choices. Perhaps one of the reasons we are not achieving what we want is because what we need is something completely different. 

Are we really inspired by the company we’ve worked at for years; or the project that just can’t seem to get the “green light”? When is it time to take a step back and figure out why it’s taking us so long to be truly happy. We do learn from our mistakes, but at what point have we memorized our mistakes?

I was at my girlfriend’s home the other night (we’ve known each other nearly 10 years) and we began talking about being happy. She admitted that despite being a very positive person; generally happy, beautiful, spiritual, hardworking, etc., she wasn’t truly happy at all. In fact, she said she couldn’t remember the last time she was happy for any significant amount of time.  

I know how hard that was for her to admit. And if it hadn’t been for my daughter being in my life, I might have said the same. 

It was such a big step in her life, and mine as well, because we both realized after all these years maybe we were just striving for the wrong things. Maybe the man who was really going to make her happy wasn’t the man who was going to take care of her; wasn’t the man she would be inspired by. It was at that moment I never wanted happiness more for her. 

Allowing our vulnerabilities to surface and admitting them out loud can bestow us with a great inner power. Not only do we release them from our minds but by putting them out there wholeheartedly and candidly, we establish a precedence to measure what it is we may actually need to be truly happy. 

It’s OK to admit we may be going about parts of our lives in the wrong way. Our minds are so powerful we should not let them override our hearts. When coming from a susceptible place, we let go of the need to be right… and wouldn’t you rather be happy then right? 

We have often heard, ‘when guided by the heart one can do no wrong’. So why don’t we listen? Maybe in order to connect with our feelings we need to feel… to find a ‘tool’ or ‘ritual’ that helps us do this. 

Pain is a feeling… a feeling which hurts and we frequently go to great lengths to avoid it. And most of the time we don’t like to admit we’re in pain because it leaves us emotionally exposed. But if we stop avoiding pain and start embracing it, it may not be that scary after all. 

Our hearts know what we need; it will get us there if we begin to trust it. Our children trust us to know what they need when they are in pain because they love us. Maybe we need to teach our children from a young age to embrace pain, as opposed to staying clear of it. What does your heart tell you, can you hear it? 

It’s better to cry if you feel sad, yell if you feel mad and smile if you are happy. Let’s not tell one another not to feel, but encourage each other to openly express our feelings. I believe it is through this process that we can help our children and our friends find their own road to a complete and happy life. You may be surprised how many of your friends feel the same way you do. 

I am grateful to my girlfriend who admitted she wasn’t truly happy. For what might have been a brief poignant moment between two friends, is still with me. 

It’s amazing how an old Rolling Stones lyric can make you feel sooooo much!  

                      You can't always get what you want
                      But if you try sometimes well you just might find
                     You get what you need.        

                                                                   - Rolling Stones 

 Xo

Wendy